The headline (H1) is too long and mentions too many things that should not be in an H1. A good headline qualifies the visitor and mentions the benefit or solution. It has to be short and pique their interest, using psychological trigger words and make a big bold promise. Google search “How to write headlines” and click on the blog from kopyWritingKourse by Neville Medhora, and read books written by famous copywriters. Here are 3 that I recommend:
- “The Ultimate Sales Letter” by Dan S. Kennedy
- “Words That Sell” by Richard Bayan
- “Cashvertising” by Drew Eric Whitman
- BONUS recommendation: “The Adweek Copywriting Handbook” by Joseph Sugarman
Eat, sleep and breathe copywriting all day, every day until it’s second nature to you!
“How To Lose 50lbs in 3 Weeks Without Gaining The Weight Back”
“How To Quickly Lose 50lbs in 3 Weeks Without Gaining The Weight Back”
“How To Quickly Burn 10lbs of Stubborn Belly Fat in 3 Weeks Without Gaining The Weight Back”
“Learn 3 Easy Foods That Give You A Flat Belly”
“Discover This Incredible Method for Getting The Perfect Flat Belly In The Next 30 Days (You Won’t Believe How Easy It Is!)”
“Do You Want A Flat Belly Now But Struggle To Keep The Weight Off After Trying Many Diets? Watch This Video (free BONUS)”
Headlines should be short, about 2 lines, and mention the problem they have and the solution, not mention call-to-action or not mention bonuses.
Your current H1 is way too long and mentions too many extra things: “Watch The Video Below To Learn A Method As Easy As Counting To Ten That Almost Guarantees You’ll Never ‘Gain Back The Weight’ Again With Flat Belly Fix And Access My Special Bonuses For FREE When Become A Member”
In your video, there is too much echo in your audio. Can you get a microphone close to you? Even a cheap $25 ebay mic connected to your iPhone and clip to your shirt is better.
Also, when you talk about the bonus they will get if they order from you, I feel that you should edit the video here and show the ebook cover or a few of the pages/images. Same thing when you talk about the tasty recipes, you should show them so that they look enticing to the viewer.
At the end of the video, in your Call To Action, you should repeat all the bonus one more time, since you have so many. This is called “stacking”. You can say, for example, “You can get the Flat Belly Fix online right now, and when you order through my exclusive link, you will get The Tasty Recipe Ebook…, The Twelve Essential Oils… and Fifteen Delicious Smoothies, all Free and available for Instant Download as soon as you place your order today.”